From our home to yours……….

From our home to yours,

With feelings of love.

Just wrap this Christmas wish around you,

Like the arms of a hug.

May it give you much comfort,

And keep you cozy and warm.

We hope it’ll be there for you,

Through many a winter storms.

And Remember…

We wish you many blessings,

At this joyous time of year.

With health, wealth, and happiness,

And plenty of good cheer.

Merry Christmas

From Scarecrow and Family

 The year was 1985. Ronald Reagan was sworn in for a second term. Keira Knightley, Reggie Bush, Evan Longoria, Frankie Munoz are born, (now don’t you feel old?). Tetris is released, the Tommy Hilfinger brand is established, and AC/DC released their tenth studio album, (if you remember LPs, you ARE old), named Fly on the Wall.

Compared to several previous works like, Highway to Hell, Back in Black, and For Those about to Rock, this album was fairy lackluster. Still, it didn’t persuade a 19 year old PSU sophomore with hair half way down his back from wanting to…er….needing to beg, borrow & scrounge up enough cash, (about $35-40 bucks at that time), to get a ticket to see one of his idols in concert.

He did manage to get a ticket, and enough to buy a $20 concert shirt, (also a lot of money at that time), and in turn, he was promptly blown away by the sound, the antics of the lead guitarist, the pyrotecnics, the props, and the fact that to date it was quiet possibly the loudest show he has ever been to.

Twenty three years later, with his 16 year old daughter and girlfriend in tow, (boy how things change), and with a $100 ticket in hand, (and change is good?), that same excitement was still there. The hair is a lot shorter, and the cut-off denim jacket over leather jacket has been replaced by a plain brown t-shirt, but inside the rock and roll animal is still an ever energetic teen, (just with an aching back).

Contrary to the rave reviews of the tour, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. First, I feel this CD, Black Ice, (they are called CDs now children), is good but not great. Second, the members of the band are friggin’ old. Angus and Malcolm are 53 and 55 respectively, with lead singer Brian Johnson almost able to collect social security at 61. Needless to say, I was going in with an understanding that the show wouldn’t be the same as the ones I saw in years past.

Boy was I wrong. From the opening animated video of a runaway rock and roll train with a devilish Angus Young stoking the fire regardless of the attempts of  suggestively drawn women trying to stop him, to last resonating note of Angus’ Gibson SG and six barrel cannon barrage of For Those About to Rock the show did nothing lest than kick ass. Angus might look old but he proved to be just as spry and energetic as ever, never slowing down for a straight 105 minutes, and all while delivering his signature power chords and one handed arpeggios. Armed with five new tunes and 13 of their classics, the lads from down under treated us to full throttle attack of balls to the wall, adrenalin pumping rock and roll. Back in Black, Dirty Deeds, Thunderstruck, (which my buddy had the bridal party enter to in his wedding on Saturday night), Whole Lotta Rosie, Hells Bells, Shoot to Thrill, You Shook Me All Night Long, Highway to Hell, TNT, Let There Be Rock and more. And as always, during The Jack, Angus did his patented strip down from his burgundy velvet school boy outfit to reveal a pair of AC/DC boxers, (available for $20 in the concourse). Cheesy as it may be, (along with the blinking devil horns for $15), it’s all part of the basic rock and roll entertainment value of an AC/DC concert. (Actually, the devil horns led to a cool light effect when the lights went down.) And as an accompaniment to the cheesy lyrics, we were treated to the usual stage show bag of tricks. From a life size train engine crashing through the stage leading into the entry song Rock and Roll Train, to a bell coming down from the rafters during Hells Bells, to flame throwers lighting up the stage in crimson & orange during Highway to Hell, to the closing cannon fire on For Those About to Rock. It’s all gooood. It’s all fun. It’s all rock and roll. And as far as it not being as loud as I remember, my hearing is worse now, so it probably was a lot louder than I thought.

The crowd itself consisted mainly of 30-50 year olds, with their kids, like me. Mostly, the adults put the kids to shame with rocking out. (Of course, they would say we embarrassed them.) One dude was there with his five year old kid. The kid had on those big industrial earmuffs that landscapers wear to protect his ears and carried a toy microphone which he sang each song into, word for friggin’ word. Talk about cute.

So whereas you don’t need to see close ups of Angus’ striptease, the bags under his eyes, bold spots of Malcolm, or Brian Johnson’s three jowls, what you do need to do is go to this concert. And even without Have a Drink on Me, or Big Balls and a no name warm up band, (or is it warm up bland?), I give this concert five crows feet.

NOTE:  My joke above about LPs now being called CDs reminded me of a funny story. A bunch of years ago, mid 90’s maybe, in my last job we use to do polyannas with a $20 limit. Typically, I always wrote down a few CDs that I wanted. One year, the person who picked my name was this sweet 100 year old woman that worked for us part time. She actually tried to buy a $20 certificate of deposit for me. Someone explained what I meant and she had no idea LPs weren’t being used anymore.

Take Care,

S

Carl was an unhappy squirrel. Outside of his nuts, he had nothing. But one fall, Carl’s luck had changed. While scrounging for coffee grounds, Carl stumbled upon a case of Sam Adams Winterbrew. Now, this winter Carl will be relaxing in his tree house with a warm fire, while sitting in his bark-a-lounger watching “Squirrel’s Gone Wild” on his big screen TV, with his nuts in one hand, a beer in the other and a smile on his face.

The End

Next up: Chauncey the Dyslexic Zebra

This was posted on a blog that was created by a good friend of mine to keep his friends and family up to date on the daily battles of his son to stay alive.

Love Daddy

My son is dying and soon his fragile body will be at peace. He will not have to fight for control over his body any more.

For the first time in his life he will be free to run. He will be able to yell and wrestle like other little boys. He will be able to jump, throw, and play. He will not have to rely on others for anything.

My little boy will meet my grandparents and great aunts and uncles. My wife’s baby boy will meet her dad and be loved by Grandma one more time. He will tell stories about his loving aunts, uncles, and cousins. How much he loved CJ – his buddy for life. He will tell three little ones about how much their parents miss and love them.

He will tell stories about nurses and doctors at Levine Children’s Hospital who fought for him for almost eight years. He will tell stories about a place called Holy Angels and how they love him and other children in need.

He will tell stories about his big brother Taylor. How he played with him like any other little boy and how he cleaned him when he got sick on the way to school.

He will tell stories about his big sister Adriana. How she would do the same physical therapy on him that she just completed.

He will tell stories about his sister Avery – his protector. How she at the age of two would feed him through his G tube and always took care of him.

He will tell stories about his sister Livie. How she would fall asleep on him. How she would steal his glasses while he laughed and smiled.

He will tell stories about his littlest sister Lila. That they first met in a hospital both being sick. Then that she played with him in the final hospital stay making him smile while in pain.

He will tell stories about his Granny and Papa. How they followed him from one hospital to the next when he was born. Listen to the doctor tell us that he did not have much of a chance to live and then proving them wrong.

He will tell stories about his mother and James, brothers Kaleb and Keagan. How much love was sent from a far.

He will tell stories about his Great grandmother BB. How she could feed him when he was little and how she would hold him for hours smiling back at him.

He will tell about his Mom and Dad. How his Dad would throw him around and scaring everyone in sight. How he made his Mom marry his Dad so she would be his and that he loves her.

He will tell everyone that a smile can get you through anything and the Love is the greatest gift you can give.

Given the extreme agony and pain of Jake’s most recent days, we have decided to ceased feeds as of Wednesday morning. Hospice has told us to expect a few days to two weeks. Please pray for the words to tell our children that their brother’s fight is over. We are at a lost for words. Our hearts and hope are shattered.

My friend called me last night while alone in his car, on his way to visit with his son, knowing the hard decision that was collectively made by him, his family, and doctors. Alone in his thoughts, trying to gain the strength to sit and visit with his son and enjoy each others company, as best possible with the time they have left. He called me while I was experiencing one of my own personal moments of emotion….happiness. I was out shopping for Christmas presents for my own kids. All three of them happy, healthy, and living a full and normal young life. While talking to him, I felt guilt, stupidity, sadness, desperation, gratitude, and helplessness.

Whether we agree with their decision or not doesn’t matter. It’s not our place. We are not in their shoes. The battle was waged long and hard, over many years, many procedures, many surgeries, many fears, many hopes, many tears. All that is left is pain….physical, mental and emotional. No quality of life for anyone. There are no earthly answers. It’s in God’s hands now. For the rest of us, all we can do is pray. Not only for my friend, but especially for ourselves and our families. Ever since I started this blog, my theme has been take nothing and no one for granted. Life is hard sometimes. Life can change at any minute. And many times it’s not for the good. And even then, it can be down right horrible.

Things like donating to Toys for Tots, Salvation Army, and whatever charity is great as it helps many people that find themselves in hard times. But what about the people in our own life, or more importantly, those strangers we come in contact with each day? Are we so wrapped up with getting junior his 30^th gift that we forget to say ‘hello’, ‘good morning’, or ‘happy holidays’ and maybe throw the stranger a smile? Who knows what that small gesture of friendliness might mean to someone.

And forget about the toys and gifts and things we find ourselves occupied with this time of the year. How about you sit down with your kids and tell them you love them. Tell them you are proud of them. Hug them. Kiss them. Slow down and spend quality time with them. Read a book with them. Play a game with them. Bake cookies, do arts and crafts, have a snowball fight with them. Just be with them and enjoy them and all your family. You may not be there tomorrow for them. They may not be there tomorrow for you.

Take Care

S

p.s. It’s snowing here right now. Like most kids, and those of us that refuse to grow up, it brings happiness. But today it’s not there. It won’t be there until I can hold my girls tomorrow night. The will surely ease my heavy heart……..but not my friend’s.

He will tell everyone that a smile can get you through anything,

and that Love is the greatest gift you can give.

in the city with the best foods.

What a load of crap. I shot my load early on LT, and paid for it the rest of the draft. I know most of you have no idea what I’m talking about, or give a rat’s tookiss, but here’s 2007 fantasy football roster. Maybe I’ll get lucky.

STARTERS

QB Matt Hasselbeck (Sea)

RB Ladainan Tomlinson (S.D.)

RB Reggie Bush (N.O.)

RB Vernand Morency (G.B.)

WR Isaac Bruce (StL)

WR Braylon Edwards (Cle)

WR Chris Chambers (Mia)

WR/TE Greg Olsen (Chi)

K Mike Nugent (NYJ)

D/ST New England

RESERVES

QB Alex Smith (S.F.)

RB Ron Dayne (Tex)

WR Eric Moulds (Ten)

WR Arnaz Battles (Ari)

K Joe Nedney (S.F.)

D/ST Seattle

It's going to be a long fantasy football season for the Dead Dogs....uhg!

S 

Beer + Battleship + Babe = Beautiful Day

The weekend was great here in Philly. I had a half day on Thursday and a full day off on Friday. The weather was very nice all four days. None of the days were hot, and two of them were very pleasant. High skies, slight breeze and a rare cumulus cloud floating across the sky. Just a great few days to be outside….for anything.

I really only got out to enjoy the new summer days, (did you celebrate the equinox?), on Saturday. And it was a fine, fine time. It was one of those days you couldn’t write any better. It was a somewhat spur of the moment idea with a new friend that just seemed like the right thing to do. So why not? It’s not often you can combine good beer, a beautiful woman, and enough firepower to level a small town, into lazy Saturday afternoon. We went to the 5^th Annual Garden State Brewers Beer Fest, (or something like that), which was held on the deck of the Battleship New Jersey.

The New Jersey is a pretty impressive ship both in size and it’s payload of weaponry. She is almost three football fields long and weighs 45,000 tons, basically the same size of the Titanic. She carries nine 16” 406mm cannons that are capable of hurling 2700 pound shells almost 24 miles away with almost pinpoint accuracy. (I quickly realized that my place of business was within range.) She also has ten 5” guns that could reach 9 miles away. At one time it had both 20mm & 40mm anti aircraft guns mounted on her. Later they were removed to make room for the defensive Phalanx anti-missile system, which could fire up to 7,000 rounds of 20mm projectiles per minute. The ship was later modified to add Harpoon anti-ship missiles, and the awesome Tomahawk cruise missile. The Tomahawk can send a conventional warhead or nuclear warhead with pinpoint accuracy up to 2500km away. From where the New Jersey is berthed on the Delaware River, it can hit anything east of Dallas with a nuke. (Hey T.O., you’re lucky you didn’t piss us off too much). Anyway, all I can say after touring her is, I WANT ONE.

Talk about being hot and horny. I could help but touch all the buttons and knobs, even the ones that said ‘DO NOT TOUCH’, much to the chagrin of my friend. (I was doing that on purpose you know…he, he, he).

After the tour, we made a bee line to the beer tasting event…oh…okay…us bees buzzed to the latrines first, (that’s navy speak for little boys/girls rooms). Speaking of which, back to the ship, everything was very small and tight. I guess there are no overweight sailors. The bunks at short, the passageways tight, even the urinals in the men’s room were about eight inches in diameter. I knew it was going to be a problem hitting that target later in the day.

But I digress, back to the beer….there were about 10-12 different breweries there showcasing their wares. From IPAs, to porters, to light beers, to wheat beers and even some flavored ones. I can’t say I really had a favorite, as I liked them all. Maybe the Hop Double with its double alcohol content was my favorite, (remember the small urinals?). There was one heavy dark bitter beer that I liked, but again, the names are all a blur. One of the things I was truly impressed with was the one brewery that had a rye beer and a coffee & cream beer. Both had the aroma of what they claimed to be, and both tasted like it too. Whereas I couldn’t see myself drinking too much beer that tastes like rye bread, I was very impressed with it. I was tempted to grab a raspberry flavored beer and mix the two together. Maybe they should have a nice marmalade beer to go with it. I was equally impressed with the coffee beer. Again, I couldn’t see myself drinking more than one, but I could see it going well after a nice dinner.

Overall, between the beer servers themselves, the many humorous beer oriented t-shirts, and cross section of those gathered, people watching was one of the best activities of the day, (even the great and powerful Oz was there). Of course, it would have been anywhere near as fun if not for the company. After all, it was a date, and it went well, and like I said everything about the day was just…beautiful.

Bathrooms + Splinters <> Beautiful Day

Even though the weather on Friday and Sunday were equal to that on Saturday, but there were some moments I could have done without. On Friday, my day off, I’m not sure why, but I decided it was time to clean my bathrooms, mop the kitchen floor, and vacuum. Maybe, I was tired of seeing tumbleweeds roll across my bathroom floors upon opening the doors. Maybe, it was the fact that a weather man could use a ruler to report on the accumulation of dust on the bathroom floor, like that of a snow storm. Maybe I was just in a mood. Either way, I spent the entire beautiful day getting to know Mr. Clean. Of course, by the end of the day, with a house full of kids, I asked….’why bother’, because it was a mess again. Ahhhhh ladies….I feel your pain.

With the arrival of the summer, my girls and I say goodbye to footwear. It’s a tradition in our house. It doesn’t matter that some sidewalks near us have the texture of jagged rocks and broken glass. It doesn’t matter that the trees on my property litter my yard with such a multitude of little pungee sticks it would send a Vietnam Vet into DSS. So with the prior year’s plethora of stubbed toes, cut feet, wasp stings, and untreated decks nothing more than a distant memory, we plod into the summer barefoot. I knew it wouldn’t take too long before I heard my first…”daddeeeeee….”.

My youngest J comes limping into the house with a shard of wood so big Noah could have built an ark with it. Of course it hurt, and of course she didn’t want me to touch it. She knows dad’s inclination of grabbing her foot firmly and just ripping it out wasn’t an option. I told her I wouldn’t do that, and I just wanted to look at it. So what did I do, I grabbed her foot and ripped it out. It hurt, but she got over it soon. BUT, upon further inspection of her foot, I noticed several splinters in both feet. I was a little aghast, as I thought it was from our deck, which I have neglected for a couple years. I found out it was from a neighbor’s deck. I told her she’s no longer allowed on their deck w/o shoes and that I had to treat her feet. She begged me to wait until night, and I acquiesced. I figured, a nice warm bath would soften the skin for what might prove to be a delicate surgical procedure.

So later that night after getting her thoroughly soaked in water, (aka…the pruning effect), I sat her scared little body on a stool and told her I would be as gentle as possible. So with blankie firmly in hand, she put her best foot forward, or in this case the worst of the two and I went to work. I can tell when it really hurt her because she sobbed and wailed. I could also tell when she was screaming, just to scream because she though it should hurt and it wasn’t. Anyway, her fake yells while I was pulling out splinters from her foot, was almost as bad as an elephant going off in my ear. I couldn’t concentrate. I knew I had to get them all out fast otherwise she would lose her nerve. I did get most of the splinters out, but not all. She had enough. I did hit a spot that really hurt her, and she wouldn’t let me finish. I got most of the bigger pieces, so I guess her mom can attack the rest tonight. Even thought I was trying to help her, it was difficult listening to her hurt like that. I carried her to her bedroom and lay down with her until she fell asleep. Later in the night she crawled into bed with me and held me. It times like that when I really hate leaving them in the morning. Oh well, part of the reason why I hate Mondays. Still, I talked to her today, and she is bouncing around as usual. She’s back at her friend’s house with the nasty deck. She better have her shoes on.

I did get to enjoy a couple nice evenings on my deck. Last night the girls and I had dinner on the deck. Other than a few flies, it was nice. All three nights, after the girls were in bed, I got to relax out on the deck. What was even cooler, was last night when I looked up into the evening sky, I had a perfect view of Ursa Major, or what we in North America call, the big dipper. I am fascinated by the stars. Not astrology or astronomy, but just their beauty in the sky. Anyway, last night, just sitting their looking up at the stars, and talking to my beautiful friend, was just a fitting end to what was a beautiful weekend….splinters aside.

Take Care,

S

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day

U2 – Beautiful Day

So…how much you think my three daughters will fetch on eBay? I saw my car today. The car I’ve wanted since the pilot episode of Magnum P.I. some twenty something years ago…..the Ferrari 308 GTS. The one I saw today might not be the exact same one, but close enough. Today I saw the next version of the 308…a Ferrari 328 GTS….Yeah Baby! I even have the Hawaiian shirt to go with it. I work down the street from a Ferrari/Maserati dealership. Some days I take a nice walk down there to do some window shopping. Talk about a kid in the candy store. I always find myself running, not skipping, away from the dealership back to my office. No,…it’s not because I’m all excited. It’s because they have to chase me away. I think at first they thought it was cute seeing this 40 yr old guy in a suit just staring in the window for an hour, mouth all agape and teary eyed. (Queue the Air Supply music). But I think I crossed the line when I started pressing my face up against the window…drooling all over. Evidently they like clean windows, and the sight of me kissing the window was unnerving to the blue nose customers inside. Stupid rich pricks…if they would just give me one, I’d go away.

So what could I get for one of my kids? The actual car from the show is on the block for $100,000. That’s great, but I really don’t need the actual one. I mean…I can lie that it’s real. I’ll be wearing the Hawaiian shirt, so everyone WILL believe me…right? Okay, so with that little detail out of the way, I’ll buy one that is the same, just not THEE one. I looked up the 308s and there’s a black one on eBay for about $30,000. WOW! I thought it would be more. I can do that. With a trade in on a newer SUV, I may get it for half that. I may only need to sell one of the girls. Hmmm…which one? Not important right now. Well, I guess it is, but I should research a little more before I commit to this. So I checked what the newer version, the 328, like the one I saw today and found it selling a few years ago for $60,000. Okay, that twice as much as the 308, (see this is where being an accountant comes in handy…I knew that was double right away), so I’ll stay with the older version.

So now I know which one I want. It’s going to be the late 70’s/early 80’s Magnum P.I. version…the Ferrari 308 GTS. I will not settle for anything other than Ferrari Red as a color. Hey, I have to have my principles. And since I’m a man of very deep principles, red it is. Now that I know the make, model and color…all this man of principle has to decide is which daughter he should sell on the black market to attain this material thing. (Why do they call it the black market? Are there no lights? Should I bring a flash light with me? Should I work on my Al Jolson impersonation? Do they have red Ferrari’s on the black Market?)

 Well, I figure, the younger the kid is, the more they will fetch. So maybe little J is the one to sell. Being the youngest, she probably will settle into working a rice paddy in S.E. Asia quicker than her sisters. She also has the lower maintenance aspect right now as far as cost is concerned, which has got to be a big selling point. Of course, that’s really more of a reason to keep her too. I have more time to mold her into something more valuable. She does switch hit. She might actually have an athletic scholarship in her future. The other two are pretty much done in that regard. Maybe the middle girl, L is the one to go. Being the middle child is difficult, so a change of scenery might actually be good for her development. Giving her the responsibility of working fifteen hours in a Singapore sweatshop might actually be the thing she needs to build some self esteem. And making a few dollars a day will bring her closer to that cell phone she wants. In twenty years, when she’s released from her labor, (it can’t be forever right?) she should have saved a couple hundred dollars. Hmmm….now the teen, A, is really going to start costing me a lot between tuition for high school and other things. Plus, I’m looking at college, a car and a wedding in the next 10-15 years, (wow, when I think of that, I really lose my train of thought and get real scared….really, really scared). Of course, all these immediate high costs bring her value down on the black market. She really hasn’t panned out as a softball player, so I should stop wasting my coaching abilities on her and focus more on the younger two. There’s still some hope for them. A does help me out the most, and I can lean on her more right now. But I am kind of annoyed at her for constantly referring to me as ‘the bank’. (This bank is always getting robbed.) So maybe she makes the most sense to sell. I can see her working a farm as an au pair. She keeps asking for a pony, so maybe a horse farm in Missouri might be looking for help. It would be kinda ironic that I sell the daughter who most covets a convertible of her own, to get a convertible. Well, she needs to learn about irony, and how it sometimes sucks. The question is will she bring me enough to land me that Ferrari though? Hmmm….this is really tough. You would think that after I weigh the advantages and disadvantages of each girl, it would be a simple cost effective solution to which one I could get the most bang for the buck. I don’t know, maybe this isn’t a good idea. I mean on one hand, I really do have to move one, just because there won’t be enough room for all of us in a Ferrari. Maybe that’s the answer, sell two. Or sell all three…less laundry, free nights, no fighting over shotgun in the Ferrari….no juice box spills in the car. Nah…I can’t do it…maybe if the throw in a cup holder I will.

Maybe there’s another way around this. How much will I get as a sperm donor? (Yes, I actually looked this up.) I can get $1 to $45 per sample, depending on the quality, (boy I’d hate to be the guy handed a dollar.) Since we’re talking high quality junk here, I’m looking at the high end I’m sure. I’ve also seen $200/wk for six weeks worth of stuff. I think the per sample rate makes much more sense. You figure a couple dozen samples a day at $40 bucks a pop, (I figure $40 cause let’s face it, I ain’t that perfect.) I read a donator of good quality juice can make several thousand dollars a year. But you gotta remember, I am highly motivated…oh and sex starved…so I should be able to double this. All joking aside…you know my interest was…um…peaked about the possibilities. But then I checked the criteria, and let’s just say they discriminate against average 40 yr olds….well, actually ALL 40 yr olds. So sperm donation is out of the question. Well, I should keep in practice anyway, just in case they raise the age bracket. Better safe than sorry right?

  I may never get my car. Maybe I need to just go back to day dreaming in front of the dealer. Maybe some rich old widow will see me there, ask me to be her boy toy and buy me one. I have no problem being a male Anna Nicole Smith, dans la drugs, weight fluctuations, clown makeup & death of course.

  So, I’ll just put on my Hawaiian shirt & Tiger ball cap, grow my cheesy mustache, call my boss Higgins, pick up a couple Dobermans named Apollo & Zeus….and dream away…..now where’s that killer theme music when you need it?

 Have a great weekend everyone.

S

  I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights

I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

Air Supply - All Out of Love

Groundhog day

I love the movie. Like the premise of the movie, I can watch it over and over again. The yearly "does he see his shadow or not" is kinda dumb. I mean, doesn’t it make sense that if he sees his shadow, it must be sunny out, and therefore spring is coming. Not the other way around. Oh well, whatever. It is Weimie’s Bday too. So, jump over to her site, wish her a happy B-Day, and ask her if she saw her shadow.

Jessica’s party

My youngest turns six on Monday. Holy spit. My baby is six. First grade next year. Pretty soon she won’t run and jump up into my arms anymore. I won’t be able to blow raspberries in her belly. She’ll pronounce ‘bekfast’ right. (Actually, I think she does now, I just hear it the way I want to.) She’s still into that Disney Princess’ stage, but soon she’ll be moving on into the Betty Crocker over stage. Making me little cakes and stuff. I guess that’s cute too. Of course I have to clean everything up. The birthday is bittersweet for me. Her party is tomorrow, but I wasn’t invited. I know this is the way things have been carved out. It’s wrong, but its life and I will not give in to cry “it’s not fair”. Still, it hurts. I know going forward it’s going to be a competition of who’s throwing the party. Still, I WILL invite the kids mom to any party I throw. Of course I won’t go to any party in the mom’s house. I refuse to step in there. I understand it can’t be held in a neutral location for financial reasons. So tomorrow, I will be without my kids, knowing that one is having a party that I can’t participate in. I will miss the smiles and the laughter and games and all that other stuff I never took for granted and cherished before. This is the reason there is hatred in my heart. I am happy for Jessica. She is so excited. I’m sure she will have fun. I will make a cake for her and her sisters and I will sing to her after dinner on Sunday. I have a few “Disney Princess” dolls for her. She’ll be happy with it. I’ll be happy for her. There will be a tear in my eye. If they ask, I’ll tell the girls it’s because I’m happy. But, it’s really a sad tear. Separate parents, separate parties. This will become normal for her. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. It’s not normal. It’s not okay. Not to me.

Super Bowl

Who’s playing again? So much for my Eagles/Patriots match up. I’ll watch the game, more so for the commercials. Can’t wait for this year’s crop of Bud Lite ads. They are always the best. I like the Budweiser Clydesdale ones too. Not much else to do anyway on Sundays. It’s laundry day after all. I’ll visit my parents early on so I can get home and make Sunday dinner early, and get Jess’ little BDay celebration in before the game. I got decent numbers in my block pool. I hope to be counting some big bucks on Monday.

Kinda dread going to my parents. My mom is back into her angry paranoia stage. Sounds horrible, but I like the depressed crying, “I miss you” stage. I can’t handle the phone calls at all times of the day where she calls me a “f-ing crook” & “f-ing liar” cause I stole her nail file or something. It’ll last for weeks until the item she misplaced shows up or I buy her a replacement or she just forgets the whole episode. I know it’s not her, it’s the disease, but it’s still difficult to listen to.

Court

February 5^th. Jessica’s sixth birthday. I have family court again. This was the one that was originally scheduled in December. I’ve been paying based on old numbers. Not to mention the system is flawed. Doesn’t matter that I had to go through all the tuition savings to cover the mortgage & utilities the last two months. Doesn’t matter that bankruptcy may be an option somewhere down the line. I’m working at a $5k a year deficit right now. None of that matter, I’m expected to cut things. She can have cable and DSL, and whatever, but I have to cut. None of this is taken into consideration. What’s really frustrating is that each situation is different, but it’s not looked at that way. Everything is very formulaic. It’s incredibly weighted towards the lower wage earner no matter what kind of person they are and what their role in the situation was. As far as I can see, I should only be responsible to supplement food for the kids. She put her kids and herself in this situation. She needs to accept that and become more responsible because of that. The system breeds laziness and neediness. She got a full time job, which helps, but I still don’t expect it to make the difference that I can truly afford. Anyway, I know the outcome won’t be exactly what I want. So regardless of the outcome, I am going to appeal it, drag it out some more, making sure it cost her a lot more in legal fees, until I get a more favorable outcome, or at least the whole story is heard and taken into consideration.

Tequila and Salt

Got this email the other day. Made me laugh. Actually, made me say, “yeah right”. I added my comments in green.

Tequila and Salt

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it everyday. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

Okay not that I would ever ask anyone to do this, but I have to admit it would be nice to think that someone would for you. I know I have more than two I would die for. I seriously doubt anyone would die for me. But my biggest question is, since this is presented as a fact, how did they come by this information? Did they ask me? Did you get asked? Who are ‘they’ anyway? I do remember a Far Side explaining this.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

Okay, so who are they, and in what way? Details people…I want details.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

Total bullshit. If you are unlucky enough to hate someone, do you really want to be like them? Dumb statement.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

Must be nice going through life without a clue.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

Again, who are they, where do they live, are the rich, just what are they doing as they think about me, and is there video? You can’t just leave me hanging like this.

6. You mean the world to someone.

Other than the obvious, unless they say every now and then, should you still know?

7. You are special and unique.

If you say so. But if everyone in the world reads this, then I’m not really special or unique anymore.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

How in the world is that possible? And if so, please tell me you’re within a 100 mile radius.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

Yeah…they company saves money on my salary after they fire me.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

That’s okay. I eat pork on New Years. I don’t look back anymore.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

What if the rude comments come at night before bed, while their thinking of you? Could be a good thing. That’s why I need the video.

12. And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!

Now you’re talking baby! Lick it! Slam it! Suck it!

13 Whenever God closes one door he always opens another, even though sometimes it's hell in the hallway.

Just whistle through the hallway. Another Far Side reference.

Got this email in work today, and Oh God......I'm crying my eyes out with laughter here. This is hilarious. I want Jack Bauer underoos.

S

Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a friggin terrorist.

Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of

 the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer Doesn't want to carry you.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

They say you can't go a day without water, Jack Bauer has gone five seasons.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer freakin' hates lemonade.

As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world...

Five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jack Bauer is going to find out why...

Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interrogated and killed.

Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there's no life on Mars.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

On Jack Bauer’s Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.

Much has been made about the formidable powers that Chuck Norris possesses, and justifiably so. Due to the sheer quantity and quality of beatings he has administered, Norris has earned the right to have his name spoken in hushed whispers by a Chuck-fearing nation.

However, there is one man too powerful for even Chuck Norris to confront.

And that man is Jack Bauer.

We feel it is high time that everyone learned a bit more about the man entrusted to safeguard our national security:

      When in Jack Bauer's presence, Chuck Norris urinates sitting down.

      Jack Bauer can squeeze through spaces that would make a spider

      claustrophobic.

      Tired of the incessant whining and complaining, Jack Bauer found the

      dogs and let them right back in.

      Jack Bauer's saliva is bullet-proof.

      After receiving repeated roundhouse kicks to the head from Chuck

      Norris, Jack Bauer was heard to ask,"Can you go a bit lower? I was

      crammed in an air conditioning duct between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m.

      and my back is killing me."

      Jack Bauer can eat five times his body weight in terrorists.

      Concerned that his dog would break under interrogation, Jack Bauer

      snapped his neck and turned him into the bag which he still carries

      to this day.

      Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.

      Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of

      his birth.

      The only thing elephants used to fear was mice. Until they hurt one

      of Jack Bauer's friends.

More Little Known Jack Bauer Facts

If Jack Bauer crawls out of an air-conditioning duct and sees his shadow, it means that there will be 24 more hours of terrorists getting s***-hammered.

Under intense interrogation by Jack Bauer, the fifth dentist cracked and admitted he recommends Trident for his patients who chew gum.

Jack Bauer actually wrote an episode of Three's Company in which there was no misunderstanding in the plot.

On Jack Bauer's say-so, the film Gigli would cease sucking.

Jack Bauer helped U-2 find what they were looking for.

Coffee cannot start it's day without being drunk by Jack Bauer.

GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.

Jack Bauer. Enough Said.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer’s calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.

Jack Bauer uses #1 pencils on standardized tests.... Jack Bauer doesn't associate with anything that is #2.

There are no such things as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there's no life on Mars.

From Esquire magazine: Things A Man Should Never Do After Age 30 (AND my commentary)

1. Use the word party as a verb. (How about “Bite me!”?)

2. Shots. (Okay, this list is already a joke)

3. Body shots. (ROTFLMFAO!)

4. Jell-O shots. Especially Jell-O shots. (There’s always room for Jell-O)

5. Read a book with the words Zen and the Art of in the title. (Read?)

6. Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil. (Yeah, baby!)

7. Help friends move. (Only if they provide free Jell-O shots)

8. Ask friends to help you move. (This was why I was nice to them all those years)

9. Crash on a friend's floor or couch. (Yeah, you’re a guest,…insist on their bed)

10. Refer to breasts as "chesticles." (I thought it was breasticles?)

11. Experiment with facial hair. (Uh…next!)

12. Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts. (Staple gun work well with this)

13. Apply paint to your face for any reason at all. (What does it say about eye liner?)

14. Own beer-drinking paraphernalia. (Like what, a pint glass?)

15. Own a skull bong. (Oooohhhhhh, sounds cool. I must get one)

16. Know the names of the current Real World cast. (What if like, they were like, in your town? Is that like, okay?)

17. Remove your shirt in public—unless there is sand and a large body of water nearby. (Leave the shirt on. Remove the pants.)

18. Use the word dude, except when referring to a ranch or a well-dressed Englishman. (WTF is wrong with “dude”? Again…bite me!))

19. Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself. (How about if I spell it correctly? No?)

20. Own a futon. (Sounds like something you’d put cheese on.)

21. Own a beanbag chair. (No one should own a bean bag chair.)

22. Hang art framelessly. (So the idea of replacing the stuff my wife took with vintage 70’s black light posters is out of the question huh?)

23. Hang tapestries. (Hey, is that like a throw?)

24. Drink malternative beverages. (“Malternative”??? WTF is that? A gay beer?)

25. Don a puka-bead necklace. (Okay, someone explain this?)

26. Google ex-girlfriends. (Are ex-wives okay?)

27. Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail. (Texting is much faster!)

28. Engage in pranks involving airborne food. (Wasting food is a sin!)

29. Own a Lava lamp. (Funny, I really did just buy one.)

30. Pool hop. (How about hopping trucks in a snow storm? Haven’t done this in years.)

31. Live with someone you don't sleep with. (Do animals count?)

32. Share a hotel room with someone you don't sleep with. (Yeah but, he picked up the bill?)

33. Play fantasy sports. (OH GO F**K YOURSELF!!!)

34. Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50. (Unless of course, he’s picking up the tab and you have to sleep with him in the hotel room.)

35. Sleep past 10:30. (I would of on Thanksgiving if someone didn’t wake me up.)

36. Refer to a woman's genitalia as her "nappy dugout." (“Nappy donut”? Who the hell would be so obscene to spell doughnut that way. Stupid Americans.)

37. Cook exclusively on a George Foreman grill. (Hey don’t knock it.)

38. Wear a jersey with the name of a professional athlete on the back. (This excludes 95% of Philadelphia.)

39. Employ any other pickup line besides "Hi, my name is _____. What's yours?" (So, is my variation “Hi my name is ‘S’, I’m a Jedi. Wanna see my light saber?” okay?)

40. Listen to Pink Floyd. (Not even worthy a comment.)

41. Use Internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL. (Hey, I blew this one on #3.)

42. Shave any part of your body except your face. (How about my taint?)

43. Enjoy Jerry Bruckheimer movies. (Yeah cause of course, once you hit 30, all those action movies are just too loud and there’s no story.)

44. Run with the bulls in Pamplona. (How about have the runs from Red Bull in Pampers?)  (I don't know either?)

45. Attend Mardi Gras, Carnaval, or Burning Man. (There goes three of my objectives for later this year.)

46. Own a fish tank. (STBX saw fit to that.)

47. Fall asleep in public. (Zzzzzzz…..)

48. Call drugs by their street names (e.g., junk, smack, or whitebag). (Wow those names have really changed since I was a kid.)

49. Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and screaming, "It's go time!" (“It’s go time?” How gay! Just say “bite me”, kick him in the crotch, and run. But wait until you finish your beer.)

(49?? WTF?? Who ends a list on 49??)

So, I’m not sure how long I should wait to answer the questions from my last blog. Ten people actually asked me questions, with some taking liberties and asking more than one. (Just because they have Goddess status they feel their better than everyone else. Man I tell ya.) The questions were good, but nothing I didn’t expect. Most we pretty straight forward, but I think a couple had double meanings…like that oatmeal raisin/chocolate chip one. I had to answer that tongue in cheek. I think I might wait a couple more days to see if anything earth shattering comes in. Or for the inevitable boxers or thong question.

Take Care,

S